


Bad Decisions

by bazerella



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2020-05-19 18:16:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19362046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazerella/pseuds/bazerella
Summary: (super loosely based on the song Bad Decisions by Ariana Grande)Simon is a good boy who always does what he's supposed to do, loves the sunshine, scones, and his friends. But leather jackets, sleeves of tattoos, cigarettes, and blue-grey eyes make him want to be a little bad.





	1. How They Met

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I became obsessed with the idea of Baz as a stereotypical bad boy (i might give him a motorcycle in the future) and this all happened. There's no real plot it's just kind of a bunch of one-shots about their relationship. Hope you enjoy!!! :)

**Simon**

 

Penny and I are working on my thesis for one of our classes in her room when her roommate Agatha walks in. 

 

"You'll never guess who my partner is for my business class presentation," She throws her bag onto her bed and grabs a water out of the mini fridge.

 

Neither Penny nor I say anything. 

 

"C'mon, This isn't any fun if you guys don't actually guess," 

 

"Just tell us!" Penny rolls her eyes but there's no serious annoyance in it. 

 

"Okay, get ready," She starts, "He's tall, he's handsome, his hair belongs on in a L'Oreal commercial. It's Baz Pitch," 

 

Baz Pitch. I've only ever heard of him by name and seen him briefly in passing. His cousin Dev is my roommate, so I've heard is voice when he's on the phone, and he once stopped by to steal a pack of cigarettes from Dev's desk drawer. Everything Agatha said is objectively true. He is tall, taller than me. He is handsome. And his hair looks very, very soft. 

 

But please refer back to where I said he came into my room to  _steal_ a pack of cigarettes from his cousin. Baz may be everyone's dream man, but he's bad through and through. I'm sure stealing isn't the only bad thing he does. I can imagine lies are another thing besides cigarette smoke that come out of his mouth. 

 

Agatha is still talking about Baz when I start listening again, "I heard he's a vampire,"

 

"Vampire's aren't real," Penny says 

 

"Say's you," Agatha teases back. 

 

"So what's your presentation on?" I ask, not wanting to participate in any theory discussion about Baz Pitch. 

 

"I don't even know. I stopped listening after we were assigned partners," Agatha laughs "He's just so dreamy," 

 

"If your dreams are nightmares," I say 

 

"Oh, please, Simon," Agatha shakes her head at me, "Everyone loves a bad boy," 

 

**** 

 

When I get back to my dorm, Dev is no where to be found, but Baz Pitch is sitting at Dev's desk, leaned back in the chair, black booted feet up on the desk on top of something that looks like Dev's homework, cigarette in one hand, cell phone in the other. 

 

"Can you not smoke in my room?" 

 

He takes a long spiteful drag of his cigarette, "I opened the window," 

 

"Is Dev around here somewhere or are you adding breaking and entering to your record?" 

 

He laughs, removes his feet from the desk and places his phone down, "My cousin seems to have forgotten about our plans. He's thirty minutes late," 

 

"You've been here for thirty minutes? Just in our room?" What if he went through my things? Our room is going to have a permanent smoke cloud. 

 

"Relax, I didn't go near your things. I'm just here waiting," 

 

"What are you two supposed to be doing? Robbing a bank? Joining a gang?" I move to sit on my bed to take my shoes off. I watch as he puts out his cigarette in an ash try  that I didn't even know was there. He takes off his jacket, revealing two broad, strong looking arms filled with color. I try to stop myself from staring but he's too quick, he notices, and smirks at me. 

 

He would look good smirking. The most sinister way to give a smile; a smirk. And it would look absolutely brilliant on his face. For the first time, I may see it. I may see what exactly is so endearing about a bad boy. His boots, his hair, his tattoos. It all screams danger. It screams risk, and- and...and adventure? Something about him makes you want to not care about getting caught. 

 

But no. There are rules, and in this short time I've known him he's broken at least two. Smoking in the dorms, and who even knows how he managed to get into this room to begin with. 

 

He leans back in the chair, long legs out in front of him. He's all legs. That's where most of his height is I think. I wonder how much taller he actually is than me. If we were standing face to face, what would i be looking at? His chin maybe? All chiseled and sharp? 

 

He coughs and I come out of my trance to look at him. He raises an eyebrow at me, "Wanna go see something cool?" He asks me. 

 

If I walk out of this room with Baz that will be a really bad decision. Whatever we're going to see, will definitely be filled with bad decisions. I think for a moment of other bad decisions I have made in my life. I can't think of too many. My life has been just a series of people telling me what I should do, people being my father specifically, and then just doing it. Going with Baz would be one decision I make for no other purpose than to just live a little. Just to have fun. Adventure. A thrill. An adrenaline rush. 

 

I nod my head slowly. My first of many, many bad decisions with Baz Pitch.

 

 

 


	2. The Night of the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon goes home with Baz after a party, small confessions are made. Mostly fluff :)

Simon 

One bad decision I made recently was going to a party. I didn’t know Baz was going to be there, but I should have expected it. I was standing outside in the backyard of the house by the pool when I noticed a group of boys all smoking. 

Baz was in this group. He had on tight black jeans, his normal black boots that he always wears, and a blue and white floral button up. His tattoos always look extra good when he either is wearing short sleeves or has his sleeves rolled. 

At this point in the night, my bad decisions included pounding down seven beers, and losing Penny and Agatha somewhere in the crowded house. 

While by the pool, I decided to take a seat, take my shoes off and put my feet in the pool. The water was a bit cool, but it was only April so I didn’t expect it to be warm. The coolness felt nice against my hot skin. I was leaning back on my hands, eyes closed, when a felt a body besides me. 

“Going for a swim?” Baz asked. He didn’t put his feet in the pool. He sat criss-cross and continued to smoke. 

“You know, smoking can kill you,” I said to him

“And would you care if I died, Snow?” This is how it usually was. There was something between us, we had made out on my bed, made out in his car, made out in an empty classroom. There was fire between us. But there were also moments that weren’t all about lip tugging and love bites. He had found me once studying for a test outside, and though he teases me profusely about my color coded flashcards Penny had helped me make, he stayed, lying back on the grass, one hand sporting his ever present cigarette, and the other rifling through the flashcards, quizzing me. 

Those moments didn’t happen too often, but when they did they made me feel special. I don’t think Baz Pitch goes around helping everyone study for tests. Most of our hooks up happen at night, when no one is around, so having him near me in such broad daylight was comforting. We didn’t have any label for what we were, but I wasn’t a secret. That counts for something. 

Our non labeled relationship was something that I would sneakily throw into conversation. I’d casually mention how I wasn’t seeing anyone else, and he would say something sarcastic back to me. But there were times, like the night of the party where he would ask me questions to see if I really cared about him. Like he wanted to make sure I was someone who he could trust before he gave any of himself up.   
I told him I would care if he died, and it’s the truth. I would. Baz Pitch is the only person who has never just told me to do something, and expected me to follow without question. Every time he shows up at my door he always asks if I want to do something. He’ll give me choices and let me choose. We never do anything I don’t want to do. There were a few times he’s persuaded me to do something I didn’t originally want to, like climbing over the gate at this lake and night swimming. But that had ended up being one of the best nights of my life so I don’t count it as doing something I didn’t want to do. When we make out we never go further than I want. I’m not stupid or naive enough to think Baz Pitch is a virgin, no, I know he isn’t. But he’s always so caring and patient with me and never pushes me to move too fast. 

After I told him I would care, my drunk arm unable to stop itself moved toward his hand. I just wanted to hold it. He stands up before my hand can reach his. I had assumed it was because he didn’t want people knowing we were...whatever we were. 

But he had thrown his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out, picked up my disregarded shoes with one hand and reached out for mine with the other, “Wanna get out of here?” 

I nodded. Which brings us to here, Dev told Baz he couldn’t bring me back to our room because he might have a girl over. Baz told him if he managed to get a real live girl to go back to his room with him, he would buy him dinner for a week. 

Baz brought me to his apartment. I didn’t know he lived off campus. He said he can’t deal with roommates but his friend Niall lives in the same complex and they hang out a lot. 

The room is filled with a light purple sofa, a flat screen tv, various pictures of him with his friends and family, and a violin perched in the corner next to a music stand. 

“You’re musical,” I state 

He laughs “Observant. Let me get you some water,” 

I walk over to his wall of pictures. Surprisingly, Baz Pitch was not born with tattoos. There’s a few pictures of when he was younger that show his arms completely barren. I wonder what the first one he got was. I’m too engaged in imaging a young Baz at a tattoo parlor that I don’t hear him come up behind me. When I turn, I knock the water out of his hand getting it all over his shirt. 

“Oh, fuck-- Sorry, I didn’t hear you, I’m sorry,” I kneel to pick up the plastic cup 

“It’s just water, Snow. I’ll live,” He turns to walk down the hall into his room. I grab a paper towel and clean up the mess on the floor and then refill the cup. I take a sip and then go to find him in his room. 

When I arrive, he’s already taken his shirt off and stands rummaging in his drawers in just his tight jeans and boots. I notice he has a chest piece, in addition to a tattoo of angel (or maybe devil?) wings on his back. 

“Take a picture, Snow, it’ll last longer,” He eyes me curiously, doesn’t bother putting a shirt on and walks toward me. I move back until I feel the wall of the hallway on my back. He has one arm by my head. 

I reach out and trace the letters of his chest piece. It’s something in Latin or maybe Italian. I’m too buzzed to understand it. He takes my wrist in his other hand. I look up at him. I had been right. I’m about up to Baz’s chin, height wise. I like that he’s taller than me. 

“You are something else, Simon Snow,” He says to me in his soft voice. He doesn’t use his soft voice often. Mostly when we’re making out and he reassures me we don’t have to go too far.

I smile up at him “Can I tell you a secret?” 

He smirks “Of course,” 

“I like you Baz Pitch,” I whisper “You make me feel like I’m alive. Like I can live for the enjoyment of the little things in life, and not just to please other people. I like being around you, even if you are a bad boy,” 

He shakes his head slightly while laughing, “Even if I’m a bad boy, huh?” I nod. 

“Well now let me tell you a secret,” He releases my wrist from his hand and puts it on my cheek. I rest my hand back on his bare chest. “I like you too Simon Snow,” 

I give him my biggest smile 

“Tell anyone I said that, and I’ll have to kill you,” His eyes are full of amusement. I laugh at him. I think I’m the only person who can laugh at Baz, and actually have his previous statement not come true. 

“Yeah, okay,” I say 

He shakes his head at me, and then dips his head down so his lips can meet mine. Kissing Baz Pitch is not a bad decision. It’s one of my best decisions.


	3. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Simon go night swimming...and trespass on private property to do so. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these one-shots aren't in chronological order, so this story takes place before the last chapter. it doesn't affect the reading or anything, i just wanted to clarify. hope you enjoy!

Simon 

A knock on my door kicks me out of my study trance. Penny has her own work to do and said today wasn’t a good day to help me, so I’ve had to work extra hard on focusing, especially since Dev decided to choose today to try and teach himself how to play the ukulele. 

Apparently, Baz told Dev he needed to find a hobby and stop relying on him for his social life. So far Dev has tried; knitting (he got frustrated and threw the needle at the wall), cooking (he set the fire alarm off in the dorm), drawing (couldn’t get the second eye to look normal so he set the sketchbook on fire), and now the ukulele. I can only imagine how this will end. 

“I got it,” Dev gets off his bed and walks to the door. He opens the door to reveal Mr. Lean and Lanky, Baz Pitch. 

He’s got both arms above his head, leaning both his elbows on our door frame, “Took you long enough,” 

“I assume you’re not here for me,” Dev rolls his eyes and turns away from him 

“Don’t be like that Dev, you have a very promising music career ahead of you. You’re going to end music once and for all and make people wish it never existed!” 

“Fuck. You.” Dev flips him off and I see him search on his laptop ‘How to play the ukulele and get girls’ 

“You up for taking a study break, Snow?” Baz finally addresses me. He’s got that look in his eye. It’s the same look he had when he first asked me if I wanted to see something cool the day we first met. The more logical side of me knows that I need to stay in my room and keep studying. Without Penny’s help I really, really need to be on my A game. But Baz is standing here, tight pants, leather jacket, and I want to rip up my study guides. 

I nod my head. He smirks at me. “Let’s go then,” 

I say a quick good-bye to Dev and he flips me off. 

“Dev is upset you’re stealing me away from him,” Baz says to me as we head toward the stairs.

“Dev has other friends, besides, you're related, he sees you enough” Does he have other friends? I know he hangs out with Baz a lot but he must have other people. I tell myself that because there’s no way in hell I’ll ever feel bad for getting to spend time with Baz. I’d steal him away from anyone. 

We get to the bottom of the stairs and Baz leads me out to the parking lot. Sitting in the middle, away from all the other cars is a red Mustang GT convertible. 

“This is your car?” I ask. Of course this would be his car. Baz Pitch would, without a doubt, own the coolest car. 

Baz just smirks and tells me to get in. We drive off with the top down, listening to the radio. I convinced Baz to let me play my music since he’s the driver and he should focus on the road and not on singing songs. He seemed reluctant but gave in. I like that I can make him give in to something I know he normally would never give in to. I’d like to meet who else Baz would let have total radio control in his car. 

We pull into another lot and before us lies a big chain fence, probably about twenty feet tall. Behind it is sandy area and a lake. Baz gets out of the car and pulls his jacket off, throwing it into the back seat. I get out and follow as he approaches the fence. He puts his hands on the fence, and grips the spaces, looking out toward the water. 

“What are we doing here?” I ask 

He leans over and smirks at me, “We’re going swimming,” 

I looked to the side of the fence and see that it's entrance in bolted shut, and next to me reads a sign that says closing time is 8:00pm. 

“We can’t,” I say “It closed at eight and it’s already 9:30,” 

He just looks at me with raised eyebrows. Oh. “Baz, no. That is literally breaking and entering! We could get in trouble!” 

He shakes his head and laughs “Oh, come on, Snow! Live a little! It’s 9:30pm on a Wednesday night. No one is going to be patrolling the lake,” 

“We could get in trouble,” I repeat 

He looks over at me, and his face shifts into something soft. The softness is something he saves for me. 

“The worst thing that could happen, yes, is that we could get caught. But for what? Jumping over a fence, and taking a swim?”

“Trespassing,” I remind him. 

“Simon,” He never says my name. It’s always ‘Snow’. “Climb over this fence with me. It’ll be one hell of a story to tell in the future. Do you want your kids to find out you wasted your university years afraid to get in trouble? Come on,” He holds his hand out to me.

I look out to the water. It looks so far away. But it also looks so inviting. I don’t know if it’s inviting because I’m sort of hot or because Baz wants to go in. 

I take his hand, “Okay, let’s climb” 

We get over the fence and Baz immediately strips out of his shirt, and takes off his boots and pants, and runs toward the water all while screaming, “WOOOH!” 

I stand back and watch him jump in. He comes up for air and his hair is sticking to his face, but he looks absolutely beautiful in the moonlight. 

“Come on, Snow, the water’s great!” 

“You’re insane!” I yell back at him. I start to strip down, and run into the water. He catches me in his arms after I jump. I look at him in all his glory. My expression must be too adoring for him because he lets me go and splashes me. 

I splash him back and soon we’re in an all out splash war. We move back further into the lake, he can stand but I’m on my toes and treading lightly to keep myself up. He moves closer to me until there’s barely any space between us. 

He reaches a hand out and runs his thumb across my bottom lip. He takes my face in both hands and pulls it toward him, kissing me with everything he has. I wrap my legs around his waist so I no longer feel the sand on my feet. His hands move to my thighs to hold me up.

Baz kisses like he’s fighting. It’s rarely ever a soft kiss. It’s usually lip biting, his tongue dominating my mouth, and swollen lips when we’re done. I never want to be done with him. I run my hands through his hair, it feels heavy, and weighed down my the water. I wonder what Baz's hair would look like pulled up on top of his head. He always has it a bit shaggy and messy but in a way that's too sexy for his own good. I wonder if he's always had long hair, I can't imagine Baz with a cut like mine. It wouldn't be Baz. 

He deepens the kiss and I feel his tongue start to explore my mouth and I allow it to take control. 

He pulls away and I pout at the loss of contact, he laughs, “No pouting. I have to get you home before Penny finds out you ditched studying for this,” 

I frown but I know he’s right. He carries me until my feet can touch the ground and we walk out of the water together. I want to hold his hand. 

The cool breeze of the night does a good job at drying our bodies off, but we still have our wet briefs to worry about. Baz takes them off without hesitation and I'm quick to turn around to 1) give him privacy and 2) avoid looking at something that I want, but unsure if I'm ready for. The furthest Baz and I have gone is making out, and hands under the shirt. Seeing his...package...for the first time, after we've just gone night swimming doesn't feel right. I also don't want to do anything too intimate before I know what exactly we are.

"Don't be so modest, Snow," Baz teases "You're allowed to look," 

"Are you dressed?" I ask 

"Yes, Snow, I am fully clothed," I can hear the eye roll in his voice. 

"I'm going to take my briefs off," I say "Don't look," 

"Alright," I hear him start to climb the fence as I scramble to put my clothes back on. 

We drive back to my dorm with the radio faintly playing in the background. The top is still down but it doesn’t feel cold. 

“You called me Simon before,” I casually say while my head rests against the back of the seat. My eyes are closed so I can’t see his reaction. 

“No, I didn’t,” He says 

“Yes, you did. You called me Simon, and I trespassed on private property,” 

He ignores the first part, “You had a good time trespassing, though, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah,” I say “Yeah, I did,” 

Baz looks over at me and releases a breath I didn’t know he was holding. He cares about whether or not I had a good time. He keeps one hand on the steering wheel and takes my hand with the other. 

I gulp and look down at our intertwined hands, “I never imagined myself being the kind of person who would climb a fence to go swimming,” 

“What kind of person did you imagine yourself to be?” 

“Focused, structured, involved in my studies. Not someone who would jump at the chance of taking any risk that’s for sure,” 

“And which do you prefer?” Baz asks me “Taking risks or being structured?” 

“If you’re there to catch me after I jump, I’d chose risk every time,”


	4. What Are We

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz get into a fight which leads to the "What Are We" conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAZ POV IN THIS!!!! I think I like writing from Baz' pov more than Simon but that might just be because i love baz so much especially bad boy Baz so bias???? Sorry there's not real posting schedule I don't want to commit to anything and then not be able to post when I say I'm going to. I think one of the next one-shots i'm doing to do is going to be based on a song so if anyone has any song suggestions let me know!

**Simon**

 

I don’t understand why Baz is so mad at me. This is the kind of stuff he is constantly doing, and it’s always okay. 

 

So what? I stole a bottle of liquor from the corner store, it’s no better than us trespassing on private property to go for a swim. 

 

I really doubt the store is going to miss one cheap bottle of vodka. The store was so crowded and I just didn’t feel like waiting on the line. No one even noticed. 

 

“There are fucking cameras, Snow, they probably have taped footage of you stealing,” 

 

I came over to Baz’ apartment because we were planning on pregaming together before meeting Dev at a party. I had pulled the vodka out of my bag, Baz had jokingly asked how much I paid for it, because he’s as snob and could tell it was of cheaper quality just by the shape of the bottle. 

 

I didn’t think it was a big deal, “Well, I didn’t pay for it. The place was crowded, the line was too long, I just snagged it,” I said

 

Something shifted in the air after I said that. Baz got angry at me. He started yelling and asking why I would ever be dumb enough to do that. 

 

“Baz, you literally steal all the time. You always steal packs of cigarettes from Dev, and I’ve seen you more than once steal nips from the liquor store,” 

 

“That’s different!” He yells 

 

“How!” I can yell too, “Please, enlighten me on what the fucking difference is between you stealing, and me stealing,”

 

He shakes his head. His hair looks so good. I just wanted to do a little pregaming, maybe make out a bit, go to the party, and then maybe one of us would go home with the other. Instead we’re screaming our throats out. The neighbors must hate us. 

 

“Because!” Baz exclaims 

 

“Because why!?” I yell back 

 

“Because you need to stay good!” 

 

**Baz**

 

He’s fucking ridiculous. He really doesn’t understand why stealing isn’t okay? Yes, I steal stupid small shit, and I do a lot of shit, most of which isn’t entirely legal. But he can’t do that shit. 

 

Simon Snow is one of the best people I have ever met. He’s truly pure at heart. He sputters his words, and sometimes he’s so fucking thick, but he is just so  _ good.  _

 

He sees the best in everyone, even me. I hate that he did something like this, and he thinks it’s okay because I do it. I’m a horrible influence on him, I bet all of his friends think I’m nothing but trouble for him. If they think that, they’re absolutely right. But I’m too selfish to let him go. I just need him to understand that I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him because he decided he wanted to try out being bad. 

 

“What do you mean?” He asks me. 

 

I sigh. I shouldn’t have yelled. I saw how deflated he looked after I started. It almost broke my heart. 

 

“Can we sit?” I ask him. I run my hands through my hair, a nervous habit I have. If it were any other situation I know it would have made Snow go a little crazy but right now, he just takes a seat on my couch and waits for me to start talking. 

 

“Snow, you can’t be stealing things,” 

 

“It was just one bottle of vodka! We trespassed, and you-” 

 

“Nevermind what I do!” I cut him off. I can feel myself getting frustrated again and I reach out for his hand, “Simon, I care about you. Very much.  I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if something happened to you,”

 

He just pouts at me, “But you do it,” 

 

“And you know what people say about me? Delinquent, never going to amount to anything, dumb,” 

 

He scoffs “Anyone who knows you would know you are anything but dumb. You have A’s in every class,” 

 

“It doesn’t matter. People see what they see, and they form an opinion. The public's opinions of me is that I’m bad. I’m a bad boy, whatever. But you, Simon, are so good it hurts sometimes. I never want to be a bad influence on you”

 

“But we trespassed on that lake. And it was illegal but it was so much fun,” 

 

“Yeah, it was. But it was just a small lake that no one really cares about. If you actually got caught stealing they could arrest you. If you had gotten caught, I would’ve never forgiven myself for putting that idea in your head that stealing is okay,” 

 

He wrinkles his eyebrows as if he’s trying to figure something out. I notice my phone light up with a text message and see the time. I don’t think we’re going to end up at that party after all. Not that I necessarily mind. I’d rather stay in with Simon if given the option. I wouldn’t admit that out loud, but I know it’s true. 

 

“I just don’t get why you would care,” He finally says 

 

Now it’s my turn to be confused “What do you mean?” 

 

“You say you care about me. ‘Very much’ Those were your words. And that you wouldn’t forgive yourself if something happened to me, and how you don’t want to be a bad influence on me and I’m supposed to be good and all that,” 

 

“All things I said, yes,” 

 

“But why? Why do you care? It’s not like we’re together,” 

 

Ah. 

  
  


**Simon**

 

Please. Just say it. That’s all I want him to do. He’s already said he cares about me. Why can’t he just say he wants to be with me? 

 

I’m not that stupid. I’m not misreading this. 

 

He’s done so well at avoiding this conversation. But now I think I got him. He just told me he cares about me ‘very much’ so what could possibly be his excuse for not wanting to just be official? 

 

“We’re together all the time,” 

 

“You know that’s not what I mean,” I say 

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” For someone absolutely brilliant, he’s really good at playing stupid. 

“What are we?” I ask the most cliche question there is “What are we doing? We make out a lot, I think we both enjoy it, you come over to my room to see me more than your own flesh and blood cousin. I-- I just don’t know what we’re doing. I’m not making out with anyone else. I don’t want to make out with anyone else. I just want you, how can you say you care about me but not want me?” 

 

“Simon,” I’m getting a lot of ‘Simons’ tonight. Normally I would enjoy it but I can’t revel in the way my name sounds on coming out of his mouth when my thoughts are preoccupied with what it could be like if we just made this thing official, “I never said I didn’t want you,” 

 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

 

He runs his hands through his hair. Beautiful. “I don’t know why we have to label things. It always makes things more complicated,” 

 

“Have you had a boyfriend before?” 

 

**Baz**

 

Simon Snow deserves the truth. 

 

“Yes, I did,” I feel his hands tense up in mine “We dated before university. It was messy. We got along alright, and we were really into each other, but it was hard. There was a lot of jealousy and fighting. He’d get pissed if I was hanging out with the boys and didn’t tell him. It was like being confined to solely one person,” 

 

“Confined to one person? Jesus, Baz, you make it seem like if you have a boyfriend he’s the only male you’re allowed to be around,” 

 

“That was my experience. I do care about you, Snow. But I don’t want to have to ask permission to go hang out with my friends,” 

 

“I wouldn’t ask you to,I think I’d be a rather terrible boyfriend. I’m pretty smitten with you, I’d let you get away with almost anything,” He laughs at this. Crowley, his laugh is a beautiful sound, “Like if you cheated on me or anything that’d be it, but, I know you have your own social life outside of me. Just like I also have Penny and Agatha,” 

 

I sigh. I want to give in. I want to give him everything he wants. If he wants to parade around calling me his boyfriend, who am I to stop him? Who am I to deny him of this?

 

I should put up more of a fight. I’m not crazy about labels. I don’t want to change my opinions for anyone. But his eyes are so blue, and no one’s ever wanted me like this before. No one’s wanted all the baggage, and bad decisions, and leather that come along with me before him. 

 

**Simon**

 

I think I almost got him. I can sense him thinking as his grey eyes pierce into mine. I don’t want to break eye contact. I’m afraid if I do it’ll allow him to think about his past and he’ll talk himself out of how close I know he is to giving in. 

 

“Alright,” He says 

 

“Alright?” I ask 

 

He nods his head, “Simon Snow, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?” 

 

I grin “Yes,” 

 

I kiss his lips “Yes” 

 

I kiss his nose “Yes” 

 

I kiss his right cheek “Yes” 

 

I kiss his left “Yes” 

 

He puts his hand on the side of my neck to hold me back before I can continue on my mission to kiss every spot on his face. 

 

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Baz asks me 

 

I shake my head. 

 

He smirks at me, “It means you’re all mine,” 

 

I don’t tell him I’ve always been his. Since the day I met him. I look into his grey eyes and I see an expression I’ve never quite seen before in him. Even when he was being soft it was never as vulnerable as he’s being now. He wants assurance. He said I’m his with a smirk, but his eyes say he wants confirmation. 

 

I nod. “I’m yours” 

 

He smiles, a genuine smile. Not a smirk, or a sneer. But a real Baz Pitch smile. Just for me. He leans in and kisses me and I let myself melt. 

 

I am kissing my boyfriend. My bad boy boyfriend, Baz Pitch. 


	5. The First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the chapter title says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH!!! SMUT!!!! ITS LOWKEY POORLY WRITTEN BECAUSE IM SO AWKWARD BUT PLS ENJOY!

**Simon**

 

Baz and I had been officially dating for two weeks. Two weeks of me getting to call him my boyfriend. 

 

Not much had really changed, he was still his usual snarky self, but I felt closer to him because I never had to question whether or not he was all in. 

 

Currently, I lay on his bed, playing on my phone waiting for him to come back from the kitchen. There’s a huge storm going on outside so we decided to stay in and watch a movie. Baz was making popcorn for us. 

 

When he comes back in he places the bowl in the middle of the bed and slides in next to me. This is the most comfortable I’ve ever seen Baz look. He has on a black pair of joggers and a pastel blue t-shirt, making all the color on his arms look even more vibrant. His hair is pulled back into a half up/half down type of ordeal and it suits his face perfectly. 

 

I bring the popcorn closer to me and lean my head on his shoulder as he puts his left arm around me. 

 

His hand starts tracing patterns on my shoulder and slowly it moves down my arm and then rests on my waist. 

 

He continues to draw little circles on my waist and hip bone. I shiver when it starts to tickle. 

 

“Alright?” He asks 

 

“It tickled,” 

 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll stop,” 

 

“No,” I turn my head to look at him “You don’t have to stop,” 

 

I watch him as he moves the popcorn bowl to his bedside end table. With his other hand not occupied tracing patterns on my skin, he grabs my jaw and pulls me toward him. 

 

Any thought of watching the movie is gone as he begins to kiss me. I let his tongue dominate mine, as I crawl into his lap, and straddle him. He moves from kissing my lips to all down my jaw and then my neck. 

 

I undo the hair-tie holding his hair back to let it all loose as he continues to suck on one specific spot on my neck. A spot I know won’t be able to be covered by my shirt tomorrow. I’m going to have to invest in some concealer with the way this boy leaves marks on me. 

 

He moves his hands down to the bottom of my shirt and lifts it up. I take my shirt off the rest of the way, as he pulls his off his body over his head in one swift motion. 

 

I wrap my arms around his neck and his hands run up and down my back. He leans forward, still supporting my back, and flips us so that I’m on the bottom, and he’s on top of me, one knee on either side of my torso. 

 

He holds himself up with one hand, and the other is on my neck holding me steady. He’s putting slight pressure on my neck, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good. 

 

One of my hands is in his hair, and one of my hands is slowly sliding down his torso. 

 

Baz is so beautiful, and I’ve never met anyone quite like him before. I am still a virgin, but I want to change that tonight. I want it to be Baz. Even if we don’t last, I know I wouldn’t want it to be anyone but him. 

 

My hand hovers over his bottom half, he’s too invested in marking up my neck to notice. I apply the slightest amount of pressure to right over where his dick is, and immediately he pulls back and looks at me. 

  
  


**Baz**

 

“Hi,” Simon whispers 

 

Only Simon Snow would put his hand right on my dick, and then act all innocent about it. 

 

“Hey, there,” I whisper back “Whatcha doing?” 

 

“I want to do more than just kissing,” He says “I want to...you know...do it,” 

 

Oh. Okay. This is fine. I just have the most beautiful, golden boy underneath me and he wants to have sex with me. 

 

“Are you a virgin?” I ask. I think I know the answer to this, based on how slowly we’ve moved in the physical department, but I want him to say it. I want him to say that he trusts me enough for his first time to be with me.

 

“Yeah,” He says “Are you?” 

I shake my head, “No. I’m not,” 

 

He nods, and I watch him gulp, “I want it to be you,” 

 

I lay myself on him so that are torsos are touching. I can feel his heart racing. I place one kiss on his lips, I watch as his eyes stay shut a little longer than necessary before his bright blue eyes look back at me. 

 

I run my hand down the side of his waist before getting to the string of his joggers, I pull on it, making it loose enough that I can slip my hand in. 

 

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” 

  
  


**Simon**

 

My breathing starts to get faster, and Baz’ hand is down my pants. Eventually he pulls back, and pulls my pants and briefs completely off. He gets off the bed and drags me by my legs so that my feet are touching the ground, but I’m still lying down. 

 

He positions himself in between my legs and sharply inhale when I feel his entire mouth on me. 

 

He goes painfully slow and first but picks up speed as my breathing gets shorter and sharper. He holds my stomach down with one hand, preventing me from squirming too much. 

 

I feel myself getting closer and closer, but before I can finish he pulls his mouth off, making a popping noise. 

 

He takes it upon himself to undo the string on his joggers and takes them off, along with his briefs. 

 

He goes to his end table drawer, and I watch as he pulls out a box of condoms. 

 

“Don’t you want me to…” I start “You know, return the favor?” 

  
  


**Baz**

 

Simon Snow’s mouth can not come anywhere near my dick or I won’t even make it to actually having sex with him. 

 

“No, no, this is about you, not me,” I tell him 

 

I watch and his face turns a beautiful blushing pink. 

 

“Move back,” I say

 

He slides backwards so that his head is by the pillows again. I prep myself, and then crawl on top of him. 

 

I trace my hand on his jawline. “Tell me if it hurts, and tell me if you want me to stop,” 

 

**Simon**

 

I nod my head at Baz and he leans down to kiss me. I feel the pressure of one of his fingers, and I pull away from the kiss. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asks 

 

“Yeah, yeah, I just didn’t expect it,” 

 

“It’ll hurt less, if I do this first” Baz explains 

 

I nod again “Okay” 

 

Baz continues, and at some point the slight pain turns into unbelievable pleasure. I’m disappointed when Baz removes his finger. 

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“Yes,” 

 

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me before he lines himself up, “Tell me to stop if you want me to stop” 

 

This is about the third time he’s said this to me. And while I’m grateful to have someone who cares so much about my comfort, I just want him inside me already. 

 

“I know, I will” 

 

“Okay” He pushes himself into me and I squeeze his arms to alleviate some of the pain. He doesn’t move. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Give me a second,” I’ve never experienced this before but I have a feeling Baz is...above average. 

 

“Okay, whatever you want” He kisses my lips and then my jaw and then all over my neck, careful not to accident push further in or pull out. 

 

“Okay, I’m ready. Just go slow,” 

 

He begins to move back and forth, keeping a slow and steady pace. 

 

“You can go faster” I say. He looks me in the eyes and I can see his grey eyes turn a shade darker. 

 

“Fuck,” He breathes out while increasing his speed. He grabs my hands and holds them on the sides of my head by interlacing our fingers. 

 

“Baz, I think I’m close” 

 

“Just hold on a few more minutes,” He starts to move even faster than I knew what possible. At this point I swear I’m seeing stars. I don’t know how much longer I can make it. 

 

“Baz, I- I can’t-“ 

 

“I know, baby, I know. One more minute,” 

 

He lets go of my hands and wraps his arms around my torso, holding me close to him while his head goes to my neck, giving him opportunity to suck and leave more marks. 

 

“Fuck,” I put one hand in his hair, pulling and tugging it so hard I’m surprised I don’t rip it right out of his head. My other hand is digging into his back, most definitely leaving scratch marks. 

 

“Fuck, Simon, you’re so beautiful,” 

 

“Baz, I’m gonna c-“ I feel myself release all over my stomach and his stomach before I can even get the words out. Baz finishes right after me, like all it took was for him to see me come undone. 

 

He places a kiss on my lips and brushes my hair out of my face. He pulls out and I’m surprised by how cold I suddenly feel. He passes me a tissue box to clean myself up. 

 

After I’m clean I grab the t shirt he was wearing and put it on over me. He pulls his joggers on after he cleans himself off. 

 

“Stealing my clothes now?” 

 

“Yeah,” I say “You look better without them,” 

 

He gets into bed with me and we get under the covers. Me, laying on his bare chest, in his tattooed arms, while he mindlessly plays with my hair. 

 

“How do you feel?” He asks me

 

“Incredibly lucky to have someone like you,” 

 

He laughs “Was it bad?” 

 

“I don’t have much to compare it to. It hurt a little” 

 

“I’m sorry,” 

 

“Don’t be sorry. Everyone’s first time hurts. I’m just glad it was with you. I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” I say. 

 

And it’s true. I never thought of sex as being something sacred, but I always imagined myself doing it with someone who really cared about me. 

 

“You mean that?” 

 

I shift so I can look up at him, “Every word,” 

 

I push a piece of his hair behind his ear. A gesture I’m willing to bet no other boy has ever been able to do. 

 

He smiles and leans forward to kiss me, “You are so beautiful, Simon Snow.” 

 

He has no idea how beautiful he is too. He has no idea that every minute, I slowly fall more and more in love with him. 


	6. This Is Who I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon thought that because he and Baz are dating, Baz will stop being reckless. He thought wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it got weirdly kinky at the end sorry lmao but I stop it before it gets graphic

**Baz**

 

I lean against the brick of my building, taking an unnecessary long time to finish my cigarette. I know he’s waiting for me to come upstairs. 

 

Simon. Simon Snow. Even his fucking name is perfect with its alliteration. 

 

I never thought I’d end up with someone like Simon.  Someone who chooses to do good every day and more often than not takes the high road. 

 

I’m not like that. I go for the lowest possible blow any time I can. It’s better to play offence. 

 

There’s a lot of baggage who made me who I am. I think I’m smartly guarded. I know what to expect from people so I never have to face disappointment. 

 

Arrogant. Cocky. Smart ass. Those are the words thrown at me. I think it’s confidence. 

 

I’ve never been afraid to be who I am. Was I afraid to tell my family who I was? Sure, yes. But I was never afraid to admit it to myself and that matters more. 

 

I told Simon I was going to come over at 6:00pm. It is now 8:30pm. 

 

Niall and I had gotten preoccupied. We were minding our own business, at a convenience store, picking up some alcohol and some smokes when these dickheads started acting like, well, dickheads. 

 

It didn’t take long for the situation to escalate. Niall has thrown the first punch but I wasn’t about to let my friend fight by himself. 

 

We ended up getting arrested. Dev bailed us out and I know he told Simon what had happened. 

 

I take a step back from the building and look up toward my window. The lights on. I should have never given Simon a fucking key. 

 

I sigh as I throw my cigarette to the ground, stepping it out with my boots. Might as well get this over with. 

 

I head upstairs, slowly.

 

When I open the door, Simon jerks his head to look at me. He’s wearing one of my old band t-shirts. By the looks of it, Simon has just been sitting on my couch, waiting. There’s no tv on, no smell of anything being cooked, and the couch barely even looks sat on. 

 

“You’re like an old lady waiting for her children to return home,” 

 

I take my jacket off and try to throw it onto the chair but it fall off. Simon walks over to pick it up, because of course he would. He’s just so nice. 

 

“I wouldn’t have to wait if you didn’t act like a child,” He snaps back. 

 

I pull my hair into a messy bun and rummage through the fridge. I’m hungry. They don’t feed you while you’re in a holding cell apparently. 

 

“Have you eaten?” I ask him

 

“Yeah, I ate two hours ago when we were supposed to be on a date. But instead you decided to get into a fucking fight and end up in a holding cell,” 

 

“So, why are you still here?” 

 

“Why am I still here!?!!?” he yells. “ I’m still fucking here because my boyfriend ended up in a HOLDING CELL for fighting! I- I was worried,” 

 

“Clearly I’m fine,” I say. I don’t know why I’m being mean. He cares about me. He does. 

 

He thinks I don’t notice the way he looks at me. How I can feel and almost hear his heart racing when I get close. I know he trusts me. He let me take his virginity for fucks sake. I know, if I didn’t get arrested tonight. Simon Snow would’ve told me he loved me. 

 

Maybe that’s why I’m being mean. 

 

I can see the cracks in his goodness sometimes. I know it’s because of me. It’s because of me, when lines are too long and he only wants one thing he’ll sneak it in his pocket and ditch. It’s because of me his throat ends up sore because we spent the night screaming at each other. It’s because of me he skipped class four times and got a letter saying if he didn’t show up he would be withdrawn from the class and be at risk for not graduating on time. 

 

I can see the cracks in Simon Snow’s goodness. It’s cracking because of me. If Simon Snow loves me, he’s going to break. 

 

I have held myself responsible for a lot of shit in this world. But I will not be responsible for that. Under “Simon Snow’s heart breaks and turns from pure to rotten” you will not find my name listed as the one responsible. 

 

I was selfish when I asked him to be my boyfriend. I thought for a moment; Hey, this is a really nice boy. He is wonderfully optimistic, radiating sunshine, and he wants you.

 

And I decided I would take him. I would let myself indulge in someone who saw the glass as completely full. Half with air and half with water. 

 

Now, I don’t know. I am a confident person. But when it comes to Simon, I’m less confident that this is a smart decision. That being with him, while it makes me so, so very happy, it doesn’t make him happy. 

 

I mean, look what I’ve done. I’ve got him waiting up for me to return from jail. 

 

He’s angry. I made him angry. Not happy. 

 

“I just don’t understand why you couldn’t have walked away,” He says quietly. He’s moved back to sitting on the couch. I leave my carton of leftover curry and walk to sit on the chair across from him. He looks almost sad that I don’t sit next to him, but if I sit next to him I’ll get soft. 

 

I’ll apologize for worrying him, and lie that it’ll never happen again. I’ll take him in my arms and whisper something sweet to him to make him forget how absolutely fucking tragic I am. 

 

I can’t do that right now. 

 

“See, Snow, this is why no one would ever pick you to be on their side in a fight. You’d just walk away. Those guys were being bloody twats to Niall. I was helping a friend,” 

 

“But did you really help? You both ended up getting fucking arrested. This’ll be in your record,” 

 

“My record? That’s what you’re worried about? I’ve got some news for you, Snow, my record is already a fucking mess. And extra arrest won’t change that,” 

 

“You should’ve walked away. You should’ve grabbed Niall and said let’s just not cause trouble for once,” 

 

“We didn’t start it!” I yell. I stand by what I did. I’d do it again. 

 

“I just don’t get why..why you’re still like this!” 

 

“ _ Excuse me?  _ Like what?” 

 

“Just.. like you! Like this stereotypical movie bad boy just always getting into trouble! I thought..I.. I just thought-“ 

 

“Spit it out, Snow,” 

 

“I thought I was helping,” he huffs. 

  
  
  


**Simon**

 

I look down but I can feel Baz’ intense gaze on me. His face doesn’t falter. It stays rock solid and I feel my face start to get red. 

 

“Help. With. What?” He enunciates every word.

“I thought that now that we were dating, you wouldn’t be so-“ 

 

“So, what? So like me?”

 

“Reckless,” I deadpan 

 

He shakes his head and gives out a small laugh, but nothing’s funny. 

 

“Listen to me, Simon, and listen good,” I gulp and lift my head to finally meet his eyes. They’re not calm. They’re stormy and dark. “This isn’t a fucking YA novel. I’m not going to suddenly stop being who I am, just because some cute boy with blue eyes wants me to. I will defend my friends, always, and if it happens to land me in the back of a police car, so be it. You are utterly fucking wonderful, Snow. Believe me when I tell you that you are the best thing to come into my life in a very long time. But I won’t change who I am. I won’t change my values and morals just to make you more comfortable. This is who I am. Reckless, as you put it. So you can have this, this reckless mess. Or you can stop trying to play hero, and move on. Move on with someone who is safe. It’s your choice,” 

  
  


**Baz**

 

Simon looked into my eyes the entire time. I can’t read his face. I don’t know what he’s thinking. 

 

Part of me wishes I could just change. But I know I can’t. I won’t lie to him about that. 

 

He looks down at his shoes. “I- I need a day.” 

 

He gets up and walks out my door. Leaving me all by myself, wondering for once, if this was a part of me I shouldn’t have admitted. 

  
  


**Simon**

 

A day turns into two. And then three. Then four. Five. Six. It’s almost seven when Dev walks into the room. 

 

“Why are you always here lately? Shouldn’t you be banging my cousin right now?” 

 

“We’re… working some stuff out,” I say. I don’t know how much he knows. 

 

He rolls his eyes and throws his athletic bag into his bed, “You’re being an idiot,” 

 

“Excuse me?” Dev and I are friendly but I didn’t think we were at a stage where it was appropriate to throw out insults at each other. Must run in the family. 

 

“You’re wasting your time being mad at Baz when you could’ve had a whole week to make up,” 

 

“It’s not that simple” 

 

“Yes, it is. You are fighting a losing battle right now. Baz will never change who he is, and honestly why would you want him to? This is Baz. He’s moody, mean, mostly angry at the world, and completely reckless. And he would punch someone out if they got in my face, or yours. Or anyone he cares about. That’s who he is, people express their feelings in different ways, Simon. It wasn’t fair of you to ask him not to,” 

 

“I’m scared! What happens if he punches someone too hard or he gets himself into serious trouble!” 

 

“He won’t! Simon, Baz would never do something so stupid that it was unfixable. I’ve known him my whole life. He wouldn’t. Especially now that he has you. Did you know he is constantly worried that he’s an awful influence on you and is corrupting your soul? He beats himself up constantly every time you do something that he thinks you picked up from him,” 

 

“I- I didn’t know, no. Why does he think he’s corrupting me?” 

 

“Because you are a good person Simon Snow. And Baz, while he is the most confident person I know, he’s also the most insecure. He thinks he’s ruining you. He’ll hate me for saying this because it's a cliche but you are helping him be better, he doesn’t want to let you go,” 

 

“He told me we weren’t in a YA novel, he wouldn’t change for me,” 

 

Dev walks over to sit on my bed, “He doesn’t have to change who he is, Simon. Because who he is, is someone who lo- really likes you. That should be enough. He’s a better person with you” 

 

And really, it is enough. Baz cares so fiercely. I know, deep down that he would never land himself in a situation that he wouldn’t be able to get out of. He’s too smart. But that doesn’t mean I should have to be scared that he might not show up sometimes because he got himself in trouble, whether he’s defending his friends or not. 

 

Dev has put his headphones on, so I guess this conversation is over. 

 

I lay in my bed, thinking about Baz. I know I need to fix this. 

 

Restless, I get up and put on my shoes. 

  
  


**Baz**

 

Of course Simon decides to show up when my apartment is a fucking disaster. 

 

I drank half a bottle of whiskey, and there are three empty cigarette packs thrown carelessly on the coffee table. 

 

He told me he needed a day. And as that day turned into multiple days, I began to spiral. 

 

He takes a seat on my couch and he looks small. He’s nervous. 

 

I light up and stand against the entryway to my kitchen, “Can you sit?” He asks 

 

“I don’t want my couch to absorb the smoke,” It’s a lie and he knows it. We’ve shared too many nights of me lying on this couch smoking with him lying between my legs watching television.

 

“Okay,” 

 

“So,” I say 

 

“So,” He replies 

 

“Simon, why are you here?” 

 

He looks up at me with his big blue eyes, “I messed up. So I’m here to make it right,” He shrugs 

 

I raise and eyebrow “Go on,” 

 

“Can you sit?” 

 

I take a long drag as I walk toward the couch and sit down next to him, sure to leave space between us.

 

He looks over at me and frowns at the distance, “I’m sorry for making it seem like who you were wasn’t enough, and for acting like you needed to be changed. You don’t. You are one of the most fearless and loyal people I know, and I guess I got it in my head that because you're so fearless, you would never fear getting taken away from me,”

 

“Simon, you-“

 

“Just listen, please?” He sighs “Dev told me that you think you’re ruining me. You’re wrong. Before I met you I was a complete square, but now, I understand what it’s like to live and that’s because of you. I don’t want you to not be yourself, I just want you to think about what could happen to us if you get arrested and it’s not so easy to get out,” 

 

“Simon, I’m not going to get arrested for something so bad it lands me in maximum security,” 

 

He shrugs, “I just want to have date nights and not worry that if you don’t show up it’s because you’re in trouble,” 

 

“I promise,” I say “No more petty fights, no more missing date night. And I’m sorry too. I should’ve considered your feelings, it’s not just me anymore. I have someone else I have to think about before I go off and do stupid shit with Niall,” 

 

“You don’t have to stop doing stupid shit, just don’t get caught doing stupid shit,” He laughs 

 

I laugh too and move closer to him, grabbing his jaw with my right hand to pull him into a kiss, and my left hand stretched out away from us with my cigarette still fuming. 

 

“My heart goes ten thousand beats per minute when I’m with you,” Simon says as he pulls away from the kiss 

 

“Is that a good thing?” 

 

He nods, “Baz, I have to tell you something,” 

  
  


**Simon**

 

“I love you,” He rushes out. 

 

That fucker beat me to it. 

 

I roll my eyes “You just have to always be first don’t you,” 

 

Baz smirks, “Always” 

 

“I love you, Baz. You make me feel alive,” 

 

“Simon, you are the most alive person I have ever met. You are pure, golden light,” 

 

I lean into kiss him. Usually he goes for the kisses first, I’ve always been afraid that one day I’ll lean in and he won’t meet me in the middle. 

 

“Dev told me you think you’re corrupting me,” 

 

“Dev needs to shut up,” He reaches over to his coffee table to grab his ashtray, “I just don’t want to turn you into something that you’re not. I don’t want to corrupt all the sunshine you bring into this world,” 

 

“I know another way you can corrupt me,” I gulp 

 

Baz turns to look at me. His expression unreadable. 

 

“You know…” I continue “Like in bed? Like being...kinky” 

 

He breathes out “Yes, Snow, I understood the first time,” 

 

We both laugh 

 

“Is that something you want?” He asks me 

 

I nod, “Yeah, take me to bed,” 

 

“Oh, Simon,” he teases. His eyes are darker than normal and he’s wearing his most seductive smirk “I’m going to tie you to the bed,” 

 

Letting Baz have his way with me, is not a bad decision. 

  
  
  



	7. 7 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off the song 7 Days by The Summer Set

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is written about a girl so everyone where it says [he] or any other male pronoun, it’s actually the female pronoun in the song but for fic purposes I changed the lyrics but wanted to indicate where the changes were

_ [He] loves me _

_ [He] hates me _

_ [He’s] my kind of crazy _

 

Dating Baz had its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change a thing. One day we would be talking about the future and what it could mean for the two of us and the next day we would be screaming at each other until our throats burned. 

 

Maybe that says something about me. How much I love the crazy. I could be in a normal relationship with nothing but softness and adoration, but where’s the passion in that? When Baz is soft with me, it means something. It’s something he only saves for me and something only I get to see when we’re face to face in bed, my fingers trailing up and down his inked skin while he whispers sweetly to me, his hand brushing through my hair. 

 

_ Monday morning fall in love and then _

 

“Psst, Simon, wake up” 

 

My eyes flicker open and I’m met with blue grey eyes and a smirk. Baz is leaning up on one arm, on his side facing me. He brushes my hair with his other hand. I love the feeling of his hands in my hair. I love him. 

 

I grin and roll over into his chest. 

 

“Do you wanna go eat something?” He asks me

 

I shake my head, “I wanna stay here with you,” 

 

Baz laughs “I can’t hear you when you’re talking into my chest, Simon,” 

 

I mumble the same response. Baz laughs, and pushes me away from his chest making me pout, “One more time?” 

 

“I wanna stay here with you,” 

 

He smiles at me, and takes my face in his hand. I close my eyes and wait to feel his lips on mine. He doesn’t leave me disappointed, and presses his to mine. It’s one kiss, “You’re beautiful, Simon Snow,” Two kisses, “And I am so in love with you,” Three kisses.

 

I pull back, “You mean it?” 

 

He gets serious now, “I’ve never meant anything more,” 

 

Four kisses. Five kisses. Six. Seven. Eight...

  
  


_ Tuesday [he] wishes I was dead _

 

I suck in a breath in an attempt to keep my tears in their ducts. I will not cry. I will not let this upset me. It’s already upset me, but I won’t let him see me break. 

 

“Simon, just fucking go. I don’t want to see you right now,” 

 

He walks into his kitchen, opening a window and lighting a cigarette. He always smokes when the real shit starts happening. It’s like defence mechanism, not even just a horrible, disgusting habit, but something he does to try and hide behind. 

 

I follow him into the kitchen, “I don’t want to leave,” 

 

“I don’t care what you want,” A lie “I want you to leave,” I hope that’s a lie. 

 

“You don’t mean that,” 

 

He takes a drag of his cigarette and blows the smoke into the kitchen, defeating the whole purpose of the open window, “You don’t know what I mean,” 

 

I take a step closer, his body is tense, his face is stone, but his eyes are soft. They’re not hard, or mean, or daring me to leave. They’re soft, and self-less, telling me he is trying to make me leave for my own good. But I know that’s not what he wants, he just doesn’t want to be selfish and ask me to stay. 

 

“I won’t leave,” I say, I move in and wrap my arms around him. He doesn’t hold me back, but he places a small kiss on my head, and I know that we’re going to be okay. 

  
  


_ Wednesday make-up _

 

We’re on the couch. Baz is holding my to his chest like he’s afraid to let me go. 

 

“You know I love you right? You’re everything, Simon,” 

 

I nod. 

 

“No,” He says “I need you to tell me,” 

“I know,” I say “I love you too,” 

 

The making up is always the sweetest part. I know there’s a chance that we’ll fight again tomorrow. But it’s not fighting over stupid shit. It’s Baz being too selfish to admit what he wants, and what he needs, and still thinking that he’s all wrong for me. 

 

He has no idea how right he is for me. He has no idea how much he means to me. How much I love him, how much I never want him to let me go. 

 

If someone would’ve told me the day I met Baz, that this is where we would end up in the future, I would’ve told them to fuck right off. I would’ve told them that they’re crazy. 

 

I lift myself off his chest so I can look at him. I lean in for a kiss. It’s slow, and soft, and the kind of kiss that says ‘I’m here’. I tell him anyway. 

 

“I’m always going to choose you. No matter how many times you tell me to leave, or how much you think you’re bad for me, I’m going to choose you,” 

 

He leans up and kisses me again. His hand brushes over my cheek, “I choose you, too,”

 

_ Thursday break up _

 

“I’m going to walk out this door, Baz. I’m going to walk the fuck out and I’m not going to come back,”

 

“Good!” Baz yells, “Fucking go!” 

 

“I will,” I whisper. He’s supposed to give in. He’s supposed to silently tell me to stay. 

 

It’s at times like this I hate his height. He towers over me, “So. Go,” 

 

“You don’t mean that,” I say. It’s what I always say. 

 

“Yeah, Snow,” He sighs “Yeah, I do.” 

  
  


_ All over and over again _

 

It’s a constant back and forth. He’ll tell me I’m his sunshine, his everything, and then 24 hours later he’ll tell me to get out of his face. He’ll smoke out the room and cloud his feelings, and our love. I’ll try to open windows and calm him down and 24 hours later we’ll be making out like nothing ever happened.

  
  


_ Friday night [he] hits on all my friends _

 

I should’ve stayed home. When Penny asked me to come to this party, she said it would be good for me. I didn’t know it was Niall’s party. I didn’t know he would be there. 

 

I watch him from the corner of the room, cup help up to my face, downing my drink to try and get rid of that green feeling in the pit of my stomach. That nasty green jealous feeling. I want it gone.

 

He takes a piece of Agatha’s perfect blonde hair in his fingers and twirls it. She giggles. 

 

I want to puke. I hate how her hair compliments the various colors on his skin.

 

I hear his laugh from across the room and I hate that it’s not for me. It should be for me. 

 

Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I walk over to where the two of them are standing, “Hey, Agatha, Penny wants to talk to you, something about an American?” 

 

“Oh!” She pushes a lock of hair out of her face. The same lock Baz had in his hand. I want to cut it off, “That guy she likes must’ve finally made a move!” 

 

With that she saunters off, leaving me with Baz. 

 

“Snow,” He says simply. 

 

I check the time on my phone. 11:58pm. I’ve been at this party for almost three hours. Three hours of watching Baz flirt with everyone but me. 

 

I grab his hand, and drag him to the door. 

 

Thank Crowley, Niall and Baz live in the same building. 

 

_ Saturday we're making-out again _

 

“Fuck, Simon,” 

 

That’s what I like to hear. That’s what I love to hear. 

 

That’s what I needed to hear. He’s still all mine. It doesn’t matter that our week is always the equivalent of a poorly designed roller coaster, he still chooses me. 

 

I’m sitting in his lap on his couch, we didn’t bother to turn the lights on but I can make out the sharp lines of his jaw nonetheless. I place a trail of kisses leading down to his throat. 

 

We’ve been screaming at each other so much, I want to heal his throat of all the pain. 

 

“You’re insufferable,” I say. He has the nerve to laugh. He knows he is. He knows he drives me fucking insane and I swear he gets off on it. 

 

He places his hands on my ass and squeezes, pulling me closer to him so there is not even an inch of space between us. 

 

“I’ll show you insufferable,” 

 

He pulls my arms away from him and holds them behind my back with one hand. 

 

His other hand trails up my shirt. His hands slightly cold against my bare skin and it makes me shiver. 

 

He smirks at my reaction and begins kissing all over my neck. I feel him start to suck and pull and I know I’m going to have at least one hickey tomorrow. 

 

I try to move myself closer to him, having my arms held behind me bothers me in the hottest way possible. 

 

I can’t touch his hair, I can’t hold his face, I can’t run my fingers over the patterns on his arms. 

 

He pulls away from my neck, “What do you want?” He whispers. 

 

“I want you to choose me,” I say 

 

He grins, “Always,” 

 

He lets my arms go and repositions us on the couch so I’m on top of him. I hold myself up on all fours and make him reach up to meet my mouth. 

 

He does. 

  
  


_ Sunday I'll ask [him] to marry me _

 

“Am I in your future?,” Baz asks me. Today he’s soft. His eyes, his voice, his touch. 

 

I nod. 

 

“What’s future Baz and Simon like?” He rolls over on the bed so he’s facing me. Our noses almost touch. 

 

“Happy,” I say “Living together, they have a house in the countryside. Quiet, but not too small a town where everyone knows what everyone had for dinner the night before,” 

 

“Tell me more,” 

 

I close my eyes, “I see a dog, maybe a cat. A tree in the back of the house with a tire swing. A garden with lots of vegetables. I- I see rings. On each of our fingers,” 

 

I open my eyes to see if he’s looking at me. He is.

 

“You see rings? Like wedding bands?” He asks 

 

I feel the blush start to stain my cheeks, “Is that okay?” 

 

He rolls his eyes, “I choose you, Simon. But you haven’t even asked me yet,” 

 

I catch on to his meaning, “Okay, will future Baz please marry future Simon so he can hold onto him forever, and never let him go?” 

 

He laughs and moves in to kiss me, he lips barely brush mine when he whispers out a yes. 

  
  


_ Seven days of [him] just make me weak _

  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Flashcards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *takes place before they're boyfriends* 
> 
> Baz helps Simon study with his color coded flashcards.

  
  


I’m sitting in the library with Penny and Agatha attempting to do homework. Agatha won’t stop talking about how smart Baz is, and how if she hadn’t gotten paired with him for her presentation, she most definitely would’ve failed the assignment. 

 

I haven’t told either of them I hung out with Baz that one night. I hadn’t told them we hung out until almost two o’clock in the morning, or that I was disappointed when it came to an end. Or that when he walked me back to my dorm, I was really hoping he was going to kiss me. 

 

I haven’t told them that a week later, we hung out again and he did kiss me. I haven’t told them we hung out the day after that, and we kissed again. 

 

“Speak the devil’s name and he shall come,” Penny readjusts her glasses and nods her head toward behind Agatha and I. 

 

“How does he look good, like, all the time?” Agatha raises her eyebrows at him and fans herself with her hand. 

 

I turn to look. He has on a pair of tight fitting jeans, and a plain dusty rose t-shirt. He carries his leather jacket in his hand. I watch as he walks toward a table in the middle. I recognize the people at the table as Trixie, Keris, and Niall. 

 

I don’t know much about them, but the way Baz is leaning on the table whispering in Trixie’s ear makes my stomach knot. 

 

I turn back to my work and try to go through my flashcards for an upcoming psychology terminology test, but I can’t focus. I can feel him behind me. 

 

“I think I’m going to go outside,” I announce as I clean up all my study material 

 

“Outside?” Agatha asks “Want us to come with?” 

 

“Nah,” I say “I just can’t focus in here when I know it’s such a beautiful day out,” 

 

Penny seems to think this is an acceptable reason as to why I’d want to leave so she just nods and then asks Agatha if she has her statistics notes on her. 

 

As I walk out of the library, I take one more glance at Baz. This time he makes direct eye contact with me. He raises his eyebrows at me, but then lowers his head to whisper something into Trixie’s ear again. She turns her head and looks right at me, and then back at Baz. I run out before I can see what happens next. 

 

I’m outside on the field for about twenty minutes before a tall shadow casts over me. 

 

“Enjoying the outdoors, Snow?” Baz sits down next to me, leaning on one arm, and reaching into his jean pocket to take out a pack of cigarettes and placing them beside him. 

 

“I was,” I snark back. 

 

“Your friends are really nice,” He leans forward to get a cigarette out of the pack and lights it. 

 

“What?” 

 

“I mean I already knew, Wellbelove was as nice as they get. Doing that presentation with her was like working with a doll. I have to admit I was a bit intimidating by the other one. She’s all wit though that one, I respect that,” 

 

“Wait, Hold on. When did you talk to my friends?” 

 

He takes a drag and smirks, “Just now. After you bolted. Had to figure out where you would’ve ran off too,” 

 

“I-” He cuts me off 

 

“I was shocked to find out they had no idea about our little excursions. Keeping me a secret, huh?” 

 

I look at him with wide eyes. Penny and Agatha know. For the first time, I look over at my phone and see our group chat has exploded. 

 

The highlights: 

_ YOU FRENCH KISSED PITCH???  _

 

_ YOU KISSED BAZ AND DIDNT GIVE ME A 5 PARAGRAPH ESSAY ABOUT WHAT IS WAS LIKE?? FAKE FRIEND.  _

 

_ HE JUST CAME OVER AND ASKED WHERE YOU WOULD BE. WE TOLD HIM OUTSIDE SO IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE HIM NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO LEAVE!  _

 

_ WHY THE HELL WOULD SIMON NOT WANT TO BE SEEN BY BAZ PITCH? ITS BAZ PITCH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! _

 

I don’t think I have to say which are from Penny and which are from Agatha. 

 

“I’m not keeping you a secret. I just don’t like my private business being out there. Though it seems you like to whisper all about it,” 

 

Baz nods his head, “Oh yeah, Snow, Trixie was dying to hear all about it...or you know, I was whispering because we were in a library and that’s the decent thing to do,” 

 

I hate him. I hate that that makes sense. I hate that I care so much about his opinion and who he talks to and what he’s saying when he talks. 

 

I’m also extremely embarrassed right now because yeah, you whisper in a library. That’s a thing. 

 

“Wanna take off?” He asks me. 

 

“I need to study,” 

 

“You had to study last time,” 

 

“Yeah, but this time I really need to. I care about this class more,” 

 

“Alright then,” He snags the pile of pink flashcards out of my hand, “We study,” 

 

“Wait,” I reach into my bag for the yellow flashcards, “These are the harder ones,” 

 

“The harder ones?” He asks 

 

“Yeah, pink is names, orange is dates, green is mental illnesses, and yellow is treatments. Knowing treatments is harder than the names of random psychology geniuses,” 

 

“Color coded flashcards,” He starts laughing 

 

“Hey! Don’t laugh, Penny helped me make them. They help me study better,” 

 

He finishes laughing and lets the cigarette hang in his mouth as he shuffles the cards, “You’re something else, Snow,” 

 

I try to smile at the way he grinned when he said that. Like that could mean something to him. Like I could mean something to him. It’s only been a few late night make outs, but I could get used to it. 

 

I look around the field and notice a few groups of students that keep looking back at us. 

 

“Why are people looking at us?” I ask 

 

Baz looks up, and notices the looks people are giving us. He rolls his eyes, “Because people are so utterly boring they have to indulge in the business of others,” 

 

I watch as he raises an eyebrow at a group of girls and they all go back to their work. And then it hits me. 

 

I am sitting out on a field, with  _ Baz Pitch _ , as he shuffles my color coded flashcards to help me study. 

 

No one has ever seen this before. People think Baz Pitch and they think dark, mysterious, late night hook ups, and bars. They don’t think, ‘sitting on a sunny field with a freckled nerd’. 

 

Baz doesn’t seem bothered to be out here with me though, I mean, if he wanted to not be here, I don’t think he would be here. 

 

I feel a knot in my stomach, but it’s a better knot than before in the library. It’s a knot made from feelings, not jealousy. Because, yeah, that’s what that was in the library. Pure jealousy. 

 

But Baz Pitch is out here with me, not Trixie. So he can whisper whatever he wants to her, as long as he keeps doing the unexpected with me. 

 

I’m ready to make more bad decisions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! Sorry I've been MIA! I got a summer job and it was HELL. I literally had no time to write, and then school started again so I was busy with that and I had no real inspiration for this particular fic. But I'm back now and I'm excited to write again! Sorry this chapter is kinda short, hopefully the next one will be longer. <3 WAYWARD SOON!!!!!!


	9. The First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Occurs the day after Simon and Baz meet for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this happens technically after the first chapter. I've been inspired to write more of Simon and Baz from the past because I don't know what I want them to do next in the future.
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

 

BAZ POV 

 

I get up from my spot on the couch to answer the knocking on the door. 

 

“What’s up asshole,” My cousin Dev barges past me, not even waiting to be invited in. He would never have survived as a vampire. 

 

“Oh, please, do come in,” 

 

“You’re a real asshole you know that?” He says to me as he takes one of my cigarettes out of the pack lying on my coffee table. 

 

“So you’ve said,” 

 

“What happened to us hanging out yesterday? I came back to my room and you weren’t there!” I watch as he struggles to produce a flame with his lighter. 

 

“I waited for 30 minutes. I wasn’t going to wait all day. I did something else,” I cringe from the sound of the clocking from the lighter, “Would you give me that?” 

 

I grab the lighter from him and get the flame going in one pull. Fire has always been more of a Pitch thing than a Grimm thing. 

 

“Did something else? What did you do?” 

 

I hesitate. Do I tell him I snagged his roommate? His beautiful, golden roommate. The way Dev talks about him I was expecting a nerd in suspenders. Not personified sunshine. 

 

I went out on a limb when I asked Simon if he wanted to see something cool. I wasn’t expecting him to say yes, but I couldn’t ignore the relief and excitement I felt when he did.

 

There’s a spot on campus that not many people know about. You have to go through the woods until you reach a clearing. There’s a bridge over a lake. If you go over the bridge you can see a farm in the distance on a small hill. Usually there are tons of goats near the farm. I don’t know who owns it, I’ve never seen a person there. 

 

The spot passed the bridge is nicknamed as to where the stoner kids go. It’s not true. But the people who find it name it that so that it won’t become crowded with freshmen who just want a cool instagram photo. 

 

While walking there with Simon, we didn’t talk much. I smoked on the way there and I could tell he kept looking over at me. When we got to the woods he grabbed my arm, “Are you taking me into the woods to kill me?” 

 

I laughed, “If I was, I wouldn’t tell you,” He seemed genuinely concerned for a second so I added on “I’m not going to kill. Trust me,” 

 

“I don’t know you,” 

 

I tossed my cigarette to the ground and stomped it out, “So, get to know me then,” 

 

I didn’t miss how his eyes lingered on me after I said that. I brought him over the bridge and we sat against a tree, when he saw the goats he got really excited. He said that it was his new goal to find out who lived in the farm and befriend them. 

 

We talked for hours. Mostly about trivial stuff at first. Hometowns, high school life, majors, what we wanted to do after university. Then we got into family, expectations, misconceptions. He was fairly easy to talk to. 

 

I was surprised at how easily we fell into conversation and how quickly we went from favorite colors to how we feel like we’re not enough for our parents. Especially when we seem like the people who normally wouldn’t get along. 

 

I walked him back to his dorm around 2:00am. It felt very much like parting after a date. Before he unlocked his door he looked back at me like he was waiting for me to lean it. I didn’t. I just gave him a nod and told him I would see him around. 

 

“Hello? Baz? Anyone there?” 

 

I snap out of reminiscing of yesterday. “What?” 

 

“What did you do yesterday?” Dev repeats.

 

“Well you didn’t show up. So I replaced you with your roommate. I waited in your room long enough,” I try to make myself sound as casual as possible. 

 

“My roommate? Simon?” Dev gives me an exasperated look. 

 

I shrug. Not something I normally do, but I don’t trust myself to speak right now. 

 

“Baz,” 

 

“What?” It comes out forceful 

 

“Simon? Seriously?” 

 

“Seriously what? Dev, you were 30 minutes late. I was bored, and he was just sitting there okay? It wasn’t anything serious. We just went to the spot and-” 

 

He cuts me off “The spot? You took a boy to the spot!” 

 

“Okay well when you say it like that-” 

 

He cuts me off again “Baz, you took a boy to the spot. You know the connotations of that. The spot is like sacred. You only take people to the spot if you really want them to be impressed, and if you trust them,” 

 

“So I trust Simon then,” 

 

“You don’t even know him,” 

 

I take the cigarette out of his hand and take a drag of my own, “Maybe I want to get to know him,” 

 

“Baz,” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Just…” He sighs “You’ve heard how I’ve talked about Simon before, yeah? He’s just a really, really good guy. Like we’re in a class together and the teacher said we could use a cheat-sheet and he didn’t.” 

 

“I think you just made that up,” I roll my eyes 

 

“He’s not what you usually go for. That’s all,” 

 

“And what do I usually go for?” 

 

“Guys that are a little less…” 

 

“Less what?” I wait for him to say Simon is too good for me.

 

“I don’t know! I just, I don’t know. I don’t want you to get wrapped up in Simon and then have him break your heart,” 

 

I didn’t expect that. He continues, “Simon is just really innocent, and kind, and he likes studying with those two girls in the library better than going out. Which is fine. But, that’s not really you. You get top marks without even trying. I don’t want him to make you feel bad about yourself because you don’t have the same interests,” 

 

“Dev,” I start “It was just one night. Who knows what’ll even happen? I may not even hang out with him again,” 

 

I don’t mention that I would like to see him again. That maybe if we hang out again, I’ll kiss him. 

 

“Yeah, okay. Wanna go back to my place?” 

 

I say yes. As we walk, I can’t stop thinking about Simon. How I kind of hope he’s there. 

 

When we walk into the room, there he is. Sitting on his bed with a two different textbooks open. He takes one headphone out of his ear to greet us. 

 

“Oh shit,” Dev announces. 

 

“What?” Simon asks. 

 

“I just remembered I’m supposed to meet Trixie for a project. I should’ve been there 10 minutes ago. Baz, you can just chill here. It won’t take long and then we can chill. I’ll be right back, fuck, sorry.” 

 

With that, Dev rushes out the door, with his bag basically open, pencils flying out it. 

 

He’s not supposed to meet Trixie. It’s Thursday. Thursday is Trixie’s date night with her girlfriend Keris. Dev’s a sly fuck. 

 

Simon watches me as I sit on Dev’s bed and lean myself against his wall, “Studying?” I ask. 

 

He nods, “Yeah...but I could be persuaded not to,” 

 

I raise my eyebrows at him 

 

“Wait, no, fuck. That sounded super sexual. I just meant like if instead of waiting for Dev if you wanted to go to the spot again, I would go with you,” 

 

“Why would I want you to go with me?” I ask. I can’t let him know that is absolutely what I want. But I don’t like the way he’s looking at me right now so I speak again “I’m kidding. Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

 

He smiles at me as he grabs his jacket from his desk chair. I get off the bed, and go into Dev’s bottom drawer, pulling out a flask, “Let’s have some fun, yeah?” 

 

We walk back through the woods, and over the bridge and sit in front of the same tree we sat at yesterday. I can tell Simon is slightly buzzed already. I’ll give Dev one thing, he gets the good stuff. 

 

“Want to know a secret?” Simon asks 

 

“Always,” 

 

“My friend Agatha is a bit obsessed with you. Thought she was going to explode when she found out you were her partner for whatever presentation she has in that class,” 

 

Agatha Wellbelove. The perfect girl. If I were straight, maybe. I can see her fitting well with Simon. Golden children, the two of them. I wonder if they’ve ever dated. 

 

“Oh yeah?” I ask 

 

“Mhmm,” The noise sounds lovely coming out of his mouth “She says your a bad boy. My other friend Penny agrees. Says your nothing but trouble,” 

 

“And what about you? What do you think?” 

 

He takes another gulp from the flask, “I think you’re probably not as bad as people think,” 

 

He side eyes me, and then looks down at his hands. He starts to pull the grass out of the ground. 

 

“Why’s that?” I ask

“Because,” He starts “You wear a leather jacket, and have a bit of a smoking problem, yeah. But you also find peace in sitting by a tree and watching goats roam around. How could that be bad?” 

 

Before I can come up with a response, he speaks again, “Want to know another secret?” 

 

“Is it about Agatha or your other friend?”

 

“No, it’s about me,” 

 

“Then yes,” 

 

“I wanted you to kiss me yesterday,” His face gets red

 

I think mine gets a little red too. I don’t tell him I wanted to kiss him too. Instead I say, “What about now?” 

 

“What do you mean?” He’s really cute when he’s confused. 

 

“Do you want me to kiss you now?” Please say yes. 

 

He nods, “Yes, I would like that,” 

 

We both lean in. I hold his cheek with one hand, and both his hands move to hold onto my arm. It’s the best kiss I’ve ever had. This is what bliss feels like. His lips are soft against mine, and he's doing this thing with his chin that's driving me crazy. If I died right after kissing Simon, I think I could easily say I've lived a full and happy life. This is my peak. No kiss will ever be as good as this. 

 

I pull away first. He grins at me as I stare into his pure blue eyes. The sun is beginning to set and the remaining golden rays just emphasizes how golden he, himself, already is. He stands up and holds his hand out to me. I don’t usually do hand holding. But I’ve never felt a greater pull toward someone's hand before. I listen to it, and take it.

 

Simon Snow is going to be one bad decision. 

  
  



	10. Soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz have a soft moment. Kisses and tattoo meanings.

My favorite Baz is soft Baz. The Baz that only I get to see. It’s different that the Baz everyone else sees. It’s even more different that the public Baz that sometimes will indulge me with public displays of affection. He does that because I like it. I don’t know that he’s always a fan of PDA but he does it for me. 

 

My favorite Baz is the one that’s in bed with me right now. He’s lying on his back with hair slightly falling in his face, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. The ink on his skin is on full display and he’s sporting his signature cigarette in his right hand. 

 

I’m laying with my head on his shoulder, almost in the crook of his neck, tracing the permanent lines on his chest. His chest rises and falls with every inhale of smoke. I keep stealing glances at him. His eyes are shut so he doesn’t notice. Or so I think. 

 

“Stop staring at me,” 

 

“I can’t help it, you’re just too pretty,” I say 

 

He groans at that, and I laugh. He can call me all sorts of endearments but he can’t take it himself. 

 

He takes his left hand and uses it to pull the back of my t-shirt up. He starts dragging his nails all over my back in light movements and it would not be an over exaggeration to say that I could stay like this forever. 

 

“Should we get up?” He asks 

 

“No,” I burrow myself deeper into him and all his comfort. I feel him take another drag of his cigarette. 

 

“Don’t you have class?” 

 

“Don’t wanna go. Wanna stay right here,” 

 

He pretends to be  shocked “You want to skip class!?” 

 

I laugh, “What can I say? You’re a bad influence on me,” 

 

He stills and I realize what I just said. Baz thinking he’s going to ruin and corrupt me is an ever present insecurity he has. Though he would never admit to it being an insecurity. He would play it off as him just knowing what’s best for me. We’ve had this conversation and sometimes argument many times before. He has this idea about me that I’m walking sunshine, and when I do things that don’t fit that image, he blames himself. 

 

Baz knows about my past. He knows about where I come from. Enough to know that “sunshine” is not the most accurate word to describe me. But sometimes it feels nice. It feels nice to know that someone knows all my flaws and my past and still sees the good in me. Thinks of me as purely good when I don’t always see myself like that. 

 

He can see it in me, but he can’t see it in himself. Lucky for him, I can. I see how good Baz is. I see how he cares so much about his friends, and family. I see how he’s willing to sacrifice himself and get into trouble as long as it means protecting his friends. 

 

He doesn’t see it. He sees himself as all the bad everyone has put on him. All I want is to get him back to that relaxed state we were just in. I want to soften his current stillness. 

 

“Baz,” He looks down at me “Staying in bed with you...It’s a good decision,” 

 

He rolls his eyes at my use of the term “good decision”. He thinks his whole existence in my life is one bad decision. He uses that term often. 

 

“Is it?” 

 

“Yes,” I say firmly “I could go to class, and not pay attention because I’m thinking about you in bed the whole time. Or I could just stay here and then teach myself what I miss in class when I’m one-hundred percent focused. Thoughts?” 

 

“I suppose you make a little bit of sense,” He puts his cigarette out in the ashtray on his bedside table. He rolls himself over so that he on top of me, our bodies completely pressed together, with his elbows at my ears and his hands pushing back the hair that hangs down my forehead. “What should we do?” 

 

“Kiss me,” He does. It’s a soft kiss. His right hand moves from my hair down to my neck holding me in place. I wrap my arms around him and trace lines up and down his back. 

 

I could stay like this forever too. His kisses are soft but his grip on me strong. He doesn’t make any indication he wants to go further than kissing which is okay. I could kiss Baz and be kissed by Baz forever. 

 

Forever is a conversation we have to have soon. Baz is graduating early. Of course the smart fucker is graduating early. He’s going to be gone and I’m still going to have one more year at university. What does that mean for us? I know what I want. I hope he wants it too. 

 

It’s a conversation we need to have. But not right now. 

 

I pull away from the kiss. He smiles down at me, and then moves back into his previous position. Me on his shoulder and his hand up the back of my shirt. 

 

He reaches his other hand out to grab his pack of cigarettes but I reach for his arm before he can get it. We don’t talk about how I feel about his smoking habits. He doesn’t react well to people telling him what to do, so I have to use other tactics to prevent him from killing his lungs. 

 

“Tell me about this arm,” I say 

 

Baz’s tattoos belong in an art gallery. His whole body belong in an arty gallery, to be honest. 

 

He’s told me about some of what he calls his “reckless” tattoos before. Like the vampire teeth behind his right ear, and the matching tattoos he, Dev and Niall got of their numbers from when they played football in high school on his ankle. But we haven’t talked about his other ones. His sleeves of color, or the wings on his back, or the Latin writing on his chest. I don’t even know what his chest piece says even though I trace over it with my fingers almost every day. 

 

“It’s Starry Night,” He says 

 

“I know. But why?” 

 

He tries to move his arm to grab a cigarette again but I keep my hand firm on his forearm. I move it so it’s resting in his chest and I can trace the lines. 

 

“I like the painting,” 

 

“Baz,” I sigh. “I wanna know,”

 

“Why?” He asks. 

 

“Because if something is important enough for you to get permanently on your body, I want to know about it,” It’s always about reassurance. Letting him know that I am all in and that I don’t think he’s a bad decision and that I am genuinely invested in his life and what he likes and doesn’t like. 

 

“I had this dream once,” He begins “I went to this museum in primary school and I saw this painting. I thought it was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. When I went home after that I had this really vivid dream. I was sitting in the stars and I was with a figure. The first time I had this dream the figure was more of a shadow. But it became a recurring dream. Every time I had it the figure became more human. When I first realized I liked boys, the figure took a male form. When I was really missing my mom, it was her. The person kept changing but the scenery never did. It was always in the stars. We’d be sitting cross legged, face to face, holding hands, surrounded by stars. This all began after I saw the painting. The dream is the exact opposite of a nightmare. You know when you have nightmares and you wake up in a sweat? After this dream I always feel the most relaxed. Like...like everything is okay.” 

 

I shift so I’m on my elbow staring down at him. He holds my gaze. 

 

But then rolls his eyes, “Alright, it’s not that deep. Don’t-” 

 

I cut him off with a kiss. “I love you,”  

 

His gaze softens “Yeah?” He asks 

 

“Yes,” I say it with as much confidence as I can gather. 

 

“I love you too,” 

 

I give him my widest grin and kiss him again. “Okay. Now what do the rest mean?” I ask 

 

He finally gets his pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and lights up, “Another day. Another time,” 

 

I shuffle back into my position on his chest. It’s okay that he doesn’t tell me about the rest, 

 

It’s okay because I know he will when he’s ready, and he’s not going anywhere. 

 

I have his promise of another day, another time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if the last time I posted was pre or post Wayward Son but WAYWARD SON!!!! A THIRD BOOK!!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I don't want to put all my thoughts in the notes about that book so if anyone wants to chat about it please hmu. 
> 
> Also I think I'm going to cut this series at 12 chapters. I might make a part 2 eventually but I feel like soon is a good place to start. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this! I promise I will make Simon ride on the back of a motorcycle with Baz before this ends. It's what we deserve.


	11. The End

I can feel the wind passing through my hair that isn’t covered by a helmet. Baz isn’t going that fast, but I wrap my arms around him anyway. Just because I can. 

 

We’re riding on the coast so all we see is the road ahead and the ocean to the right. 

 

We pull over after a while into a large clearing. There’s a small bench in front of us, and it overlooks the water. We’d been riding for a while so the sun is just beginning to set.

 

I hop off the motorcycle and place the helmet on the seat. Baz does the same. Hand in hand we walk over toward the bench and sit down. 

 

“What do you think?” Baz asks.

 

“It’s beautiful.” 

 

Baz is graduating in a week. He’s going to move to London to continue his education. He also already has an internship lined up at someplace fancy for real world experience. HIs future is all set. We’re trying to figure out where I fit. If I fit. 

 

My leg starts to shake. “You’re making me nervous.” Baz says. 

 

“Are you going to break up with me?” Might as well get this over with. 

 

Baz takes his hand out of mine and turns to look toward me. I see his fingers flex. He wants a cigarette but he’s refraining from lighting up. 

 

“Do you want to break up?” He asks. 

 

“No,” I say quickly. “But you’re going to have a new life. And it’s okay if I don’t fit in it.” 

 

“I’m not going to have a new life. It’s still my life. Just relocated.” 

 

“You’ll be far away,” I point out. 

 

Baz raises his eyebrows, “My love for you isn’t dependent on distance,” 

 

I turn to face him. “What are you saying?” 

 

“I’m not breaking up with you, Simon. Whether I’m in London or here with you or in outer space, I want you in my life. This isn’t the end for us.” 

 

“You want to stay together?” I ask 

 

Baz rolls his eyes “Yes, you idiot.” 

 

I can’t help but smile. I lean forward and he meets me halfway. Kissing Baz is always an experience. He kisses like he’ll never get the opportunity to again after we part. 

 

“I love you,” I say 

 

“I love you too.” 

 

It seems so long ago that I was convinced Baz was a bad decision. Looking back, I know now that letting Baz into my life was the best decision I’ve ever made. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me forever! This is the end for now. Maybe a sequel??? who knows! i don't want to commit to anything yet but if you've made it this far thank you so much for reading and indulging in my need for bad boy baz <3


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